The Key To Relationship: Our Connection With Ourselves

The Key To Relationship: Our Connection With Ourselves

by Bonnie Cehovet


With their usual audacity, most (if not all) stores around here have been featuring Valentine’s Day cards, candy etc. since the first of the year. The month of February definitely takes on the flavor of this one day. As Tarot readers, this puts the focus more than usual on romantic relationship, and on personal expectations. There can be great joy, on this day, but also great pain when expectations are not met.

The Tarot is a reflection of all of life’s experiences. When we look at relationship, we are looking at the full spectrum of relationship possibilities, including relationship with self as well as relationship with others. The imagery on the cards connects us with our life experiences – universal life experiences. Through these experiences we begin to understand love and romantic relationship.

One of the issues that readers face when reading for relationship issues is that the Seeker has a tendency to focus on the other person, and what they want, rather than on themselves. Our primary relationship in life is our relationship with Spirit. With the support and wisdom of Spirit we walk the parallel path of relationship with self. In walking the authentic path of self we gain self-confidence, and the ability to let go of expectations. We develop a trusting relationship with self that supports us in all situations, including relationship with others. We feel comfortable making and implementing choices – in essence, becoming confident co-creators of our own lives.

The Lovers – the iconic symbol for Valentines Day. Cupid with his lovely little arrows. Hope springs eternal! The Lovers presents us with choice – with choice we can change the direction of our life, and we can control the direction that the change takes. We all have free will, we all have the option of making choices.

If we choose to embody the energy of the Fool – that marvelous innocence that allows us to continue on our journey – we open up the concept of relationship with self, and, tangentially, our relationships with others. The Fool wanders (or, really, is lead) into the magickal world of the Magician. As we walk our paths through life, we are gifted with the tools that we need to accomplish our tasks. We are gifted with the ability to know ourselves, and to know others. We are gifted with the ability to give and receive love.


With this foundation, we are ready to start our journey. The Ace of Cups offers us the full potential for emotional connection with self, and to happiness. Through our creative nature, and our connection with Dreamtime and Spirit, we open our hearts to all possibilities. Once our hearts are open, the Two of Cups manifests that connection with self in the physical world. Here we experience healing on an emotional level. The Wheel of Fortune is all about relationships in action, about taking responsibility for our actions, and about being proactive in our lives. Recognize that this is where we set things in motion – and then need to have the good sense to step back and wait for a response (to detach from expectations). Feb_Bonnie3

The Hermit is a blessing at any stage of our relationship journey, because he allows us to take that small time out and access our inner resources. Whenever we start to doubt – and we will – the Hermit shows us our strengths, and the energy that we have within us to “make it through” the proverbial night (and we have all had those nights!). Here we will find forgiveness, resolution, and the ability to sustain ourselves through relationship transitions.

The Three of Cups reflects our joy in relationship – the emotional, sensual side of life, our literal dance with life. When we can connect with ourselves, when we have built a strong relationship with ourselves, we can move that energy outward into a celebration of life with others.

Let Valentines Day be a celebration of our connection with ourselves, honoring the love and respect that we have for ourselves. When we love and respect ourselves, we can then love and respect others.

Opening Your Heart



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  1. How do I see myself in the present?
  2. How do I see my ideal self?
  3. What stands between me and my ideal self?
  4. How can I reconcile my present self and my ideal self?

Wishing you all a very Happy Valentines Day! Bring on the chocolate!

Tarot card images are from the “Sun and Moon Tarot”, by Vanessa Decort. U.S. Games Systems, Inc. 2010


Daniels, Kooch N. & Victor Daniels. “Tarot D’Amour”. Weiser Books. 2003.

Fairchild, Gail. “Choice-Centered Relating and the Tarot”. Weiser Books. 2000.

McElroy, Mark. “Taking the Tarot to Heart”. Llewellyn Worldwide.2005

Skinner, Megan. “Essence of the Tarot”. New Page Books. 2004.